People Who Avoid These 5 Common Phrases Have Extremely High Emotional Intelligence

People Who Avoid These 5 Common Phrases Have Extremely High Emotional Intelligence

I met the wife of a crew member for the first time at his funeral. When I introduced myself, I could tell she was glad I came.

I meant well. I was trying to say he was a great person and a great team member. I was trying to say we would miss him, both professionally and personally.  To her, though, it clearly sounded like I was more concerned about filling the opening.

While that might feel empathetic, since empathy involves putting yourself in the other person's shoes, it's not. Put yourself in the other person's shoes and think about what you would want: To be listened to. 

Instead, say, "Ugh, that sucks. What's on your plate?" Or, "I'm sorry. What do you need to get done?"

Don't shift the focus to you, even if you mean well. Keep the focus on the other person. Ask questions that show you want to know more, and truly understand.

Fate is only apparent in hindsight, because fate is what we make it. We can control only whether we do everything we can to make the best of what happens to and around us.

When something bad happens, though, the last thing most people want to hear is that "everything happens for a reason," because they haven't had time to overcome the problem and make it seem like a meaningful -- and maybe even integral -- part of their journey. 

As with the old saying, "Everything before 'but' is bull----," everything after "with all due respect" is what people really want to say.

If you feel the need to say it again, just say it again. Maybe this time the other person will listen. (Or maybe they won't because you're actually wrong.)

Like, "Hear me out," or, "Let me finish before you jump in," "I know you'll disagree" indicates you know there will at the very least be some back-and-forth.

When we wish to correct with advantage, and to show another that he errs, we must notice from what side he views the matter, for on that side it is usually true, and admit that truth to him, but reveal to him the side on which it is false. He is satisfied with that, for he sees that he was not mistaken, and that he only failed to see all sides. Now, no one is offended at not seeing everything; but one does not like to be mistaken, and that perhaps arises from the fact that man naturally cannot see everything, and that naturally he cannot err in the side he looks at, since the perceptions of our senses are always true.

Start with agreement, then talk about what might be improved. Your audience will be much more receptive.

In the process you get to dole out a little praise and recognition, the one gift no one receives too often.

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